Someone Like You Read online

  Food still wasn’t cheap, and nappies added in meant Hannah lived on basic ranges and coupon clipping. She needed to eke her money out as long as possible. She’d paid for six months up front on the rent, but after that her plan needed to be fully in place and her life in some kind of routine. She had no other option. Kate had been great, but she couldn’t help her anymore now. The two women had to keep their distance for a while. She could hardly go visit her – Victor was tenacious. He wasn’t going to let her walk out with his child and not look back. She wasn’t stupid. She just wasn’t going to accept the alternative either. Kate had her own life, and she didn’t need him on her case trying to cause trouble. She was on her own, and that was probably the most daunting thing about the last year.

  It had taken her by complete surprise, the feelings of not being enough. How could she think any different though, given the last few years? She was here though. She had to remind herself of that every morning, when she jerked awake in the early hours, drenched in sweat, looking around wildly for the man in her bed who wasn’t even there. She had to sit and will her heart to settle down, listening for any and every noise in her creaky house. Her bed was basic, but a double, and Ava was in a cot in the other room. Another bargain from the local charity shop. The manager was looking out for other things for her too. She would lie in bed and make lists of things she needed and counted them off in her head till her brain stopped screaming. Ava was sleeping well, but Hannah still felt like a zombie half the time.

  When she finished feeding Ava breakfast, she got the pair of them dressed and ready to go out. She looked in the fridge for something to fill her empty stomach till she could do a food shop, but things were pretty bare. She hunted around for another few moments and gave up. Putting Ava in her pram, she readied the changing bag.

  ‘I think that your mother needs to get outside today and start this new life we want. What do you say, Ava?’ Her adorable daughter looked back up at her, a happy grin on her cheeky chops. She really was beautiful. She didn’t scream the house down every night, and she seemed to be a happy baby. She had her father’s eyes; there was no mistaking that. Every so often she would look at her daughter and it was like she was looking at him. It took her breath away every time.

  The hair was all her though, a little crop of red hair on top of her sweet-smelling head. Kate had nicknamed her Fireball, because of her swift arrival into their lives with her shock of red hair. Fireball sounded about right. Hannah found herself wishing that for her daughter. She nurtured the thought of her growing up strong, with a voice of her own and a conviction steely enough to use it. Experience enough to tell her to run the hell away from any man remotely like the man who’d helped create her. She wanted all of that for her daughter. It helped keep the overwhelming feelings at bay. She would be strong, for Ava. To give her the life she deserved to live. Not in fear. In hiding. A fireball didn’t hide. It burned instead.

  Hannah wrapped Ava up and wheeled the pram out towards the front door. Remembering about the food, she nipped back into the kitchen and knelt down on the tile floor. She was wearing one of Kate’s long, smart dresses, the thin material allowing the cold to seep into her bones through her thin tights. She could barely afford the heating on a night, so during the day was out of the question, even in the cold March weather they had been experiencing. She always made sure that Ava was warm enough, and that would be enough for now.

  She leaned down close to the corner of the units and pulled at one of the wooden kicker boards. It had been loose when she’d moved in, a discovery that made her feel like this house was welcoming her too, in its own little way. Helping her to keep her secrets hidden away, and her daughter safe from harm. After pulling the piece of board away she put her hand in and pulled out a purse and a large yellow jiffy bag. She counted the notes in the bag, got enough out for shopping and put the rest away. The purse in her hand felt alien, part of her old life. She never usually carried it with her here, but something made her today. She didn’t open it, putting back the jiffy bag of cash and making sure everything was back in place. Pushing the kicker board with her foot, she was satisfied when it didn’t move.

  After tucking the money into her changing bag, in the secret side pocket she was so accustomed to using, she smiled down at Ava, who was sitting wide-eyed in her pram, looking at the reflection through the glass-window-panelled front door. There were glass roses intertwined on the panels, the sunlight throwing off red and green patterned shards of light onto her daughter’s face.

  ‘Come on then, Ava, let’s go try and get our new life started, eh?’

  Ava babbled along happily in response, and Hannah’s heart soared once more as she took her in. She was so perfect. She couldn’t imagine how, given her start, but here she was. Happy, eating well, growing. Safe. She leaned in, dropping a kiss on her daughter’s little cheeks, and they headed outside. She pushed the pram over the threshold of the front door of her rental, clicking the brake on and turning to lock the door. The wood was swollen from the recent rains, and it didn’t fit snugly into the housing. She had to really push at the door to get the key to turn, and her panic grew by the second, her palms clammy. She’d have to get it fixed. She didn’t want to bother the landlord, considering the cheap rent. Plus, it was all arranged through Kate, so she didn’t have the details, and they didn’t have hers. She’d have to get a joiner in, and God knows how much that would be. Another thing on her list of being an adult that she couldn’t quite get her head around at the moment.

  She’d never have to do these things normally. It was the kind of thing Victor just … took care of. If something needed doing, it would be taken care of, no questions asked. He did nice things at first. Putting up a shelf. Making her a coffee she hadn’t asked for. She’d relinquished control, one tiny piece at a time. Pieces so small she didn’t notice them falling away from her. From the woman she was before she met him. Before she met Victor and he tried to destroy her. What good would this door do against Victor’s might, if she couldn’t even get it to lock properly? Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, fast, scary. It was like it was trying to free itself from her ribcage and run. Trauma, she knew. She’d read up about it enough to know that her body was still on edge. Always waiting for a noise, a fist. The sound of a voice that turned her insides to liquid with a mere comment. He’s not here. You’re safe, heart. Don’t give up on me now.

  Trying to quell the panic rising within her, she gave the stubborn door another hard shove and the wood finally joined up. After locking it and triple-checking it, she put her keys into her dress pocket and gripped firmly onto the pram handles. You did it. You can do this.

  Fenchurch Street looked beautiful in the morning sun, the muted green of the park beckoning to her across the road. She found herself hurrying to the paper shop, picking up a copy of the local news and a soft drink to quench her thirst. Ava was soon asleep. Hannah was halfway through the park when she decided to take the opportunity to sit on a bench and read the paper. It was mild out, and even with her thin clothing it felt good to be outside. Out of the bubble that was their bare little hideaway. She turned to the job section, which was a little on the thin side. Dismissing everything almost as soon as she’d read it, she turned to the last page with a part-time and temporary section. Everything was the same, either zero contracts with working hours she couldn’t rely on or full-time. Most of the shift patterns of the jobs on offer ruled her out instantly, she had no childcare and most of these jobs didn’t even fit into day care hours.

  Hannah tried to stop the sharp pain in her chest by closing the paper and checking on Ava, who was still dozing. They were shaded against the weak sun’s rays by a large oak tree, the bench she was sitting on rough on the back of her legs as she sat back and looked up to the sky.

  Calm down, it’s okay. You can do this. You knew it would be hard. This is it. This is what you worked for. She opened her eyes slowly, trying to ground herself in the moment, to stop her flapping. A dark streak
passed her eyeline, and the next second, there was a man standing in front of her. He looked around him in an easy way, taking in the people living their lives around them. Hannah was frozen to her seat. Leave, please. Why are you here? The man looked into the pram at sleeping Ava, a smile spreading across his lips.

  ‘Cute kid,’ he said, and before Hannah could move a muscle, his hands were on her changing bag, and he was pulling it away from the pram. Hannah’s surprise turned to fear.

  ‘Hey!’ she shouted, scrabbling to her feet and taking hold of the pram handle. Ava stirred at the jostling.

  The man glared at her. ‘Don’t make a scene; I just want the bag.’ He went to pull it again, and Hannah’s heart hammered in her chest. He was going to take it. He was going to take the bag, with her money in, her purse. Her purse! Ava’s meagre possessions were in that bag. He was going to take their stuff, right here in front of everyone. She felt her heart hammer in her chest, as though fear itself was taking a sledgehammer to her ribcage. She could feel the thud thud thud of the blood pumping around her body, ringing in her ears. She felt like she was at home, just for a second. Right back in her old life, willing her heart to keep beating and her hands to stop shaking, her legs to work. Willing her body to do anything but shudder, panic, and even shut down. Ava. Ava. Fight, Hannah. Fight!

  ‘Help!’ she shouted, going to try to get Ava out of the pram. The man shoved her hard and grabbed for the bag once more. ‘No, no! Help, please!’

  The man, noticing the attention he was getting, tried once more to make a grab. His fingers closed around the strap of the bag, but Hannah gripped his hands in hers, and dug her nails in as hard and for as long as she could. She waited for a blow to come, shutting her eyes as he screamed in pain.

  ‘Arrgghh! Get off me, you crazy woman!’ He tried to throw her off, freeing one hand, but when she wouldn’t stop, Ava now screaming blue murder in her pram, he grabbed for the pram handle instead.

  ‘Let go now, or I’ll throw this pram. Don’t mess me about!’

  Hannah looked at Ava, screaming her head off, her little face red with panic and fear, and she gripped tighter. Dug her nails in as hard as she could while she tried to get to Ava.

  ‘I’m not letting go till you get away from my daughter! Help me, please!’ She looked around wildly and felt relief when she saw people coming their way.

  ‘Hey!’

  ‘Hey, someone call the police!’

  ‘Get your hands off her now!’

  ‘Hey! Stop him, someone!’

  Some of the people in the park were running now, one man on the periphery of the line of trees on his phone catching her attention as she clung on for dear life. He was running differently than the others, faster.

  ‘Bullet! Bullet!’

  This man was shouting something too as he ran, his hand at one ear as he spoke rapidly into a mobile phone. Hannah tried one more time to get to Ava, and the man’s hand disappeared from the pram handle the second she lunged for her daughter. Unclipping her at lightning speed, Hannah grabbed her child and her bag, running in the other direction, towards the benches. She could hear people behind her, angry snarling noises over high-pitched, rapid-fire voices.

  ‘Arrgghhh! Get it off! Get it off!’

  Hannah could hear the would-be thief struggling behind her, immobilised, and she frantically undressed Ava a little, trying to look for any sign of injuries. He never touched her. He didn’t hurt her. The thought hit her brain, and she stopped. She was comforted now by the words of truth she’d told herself before, in a different place. About a different man. Ava was screaming her head off, her whole body shaking with the violence of her terror. Hannah tried to pull it together. There was quite a scene forming at the park now.

  ‘Ssshh, ssshh, it’s okay, Ava. Mummy’s here, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.’ There was nothing, no tears in her clothing, no marks, not a scratch on her bright puce face. She was fine. The relief flooded through Hannah’s system, reducing her to a blubbering, grateful wreck. ‘You’re fine, baby. You’re fine.’ She was fine, her hot little cheeks red and angry-looking, but full of blood, full of life. A woman came running towards her, a pack of baby wipes in her hand.

  ‘Oh my God, are you okay? Is your baby okay? Do you need any first aid?’ She offered the baby wipes to Hannah, and she took them with a very shaky hand. The plastic packaging rustled against Hannah’s fingers as she held the little packet and her baby in the other. ‘I brought these in case; my kids are just over there. Well, they’re not all my kids. We’re childminders in the village. That’s my partner.’ The woman, a rather short lady in a pair of faded dungarees and cream T-shirt, pointed over to the grass, where another woman sat on a blanket, surrounded by toddlers, looking their way with a concerned expression on her face. ‘I’m Martine; that’s Ruby. Are you okay?’

  The would-be mugger was laid on the ground, the man with the large brown dog sitting astride him, one knee either side of his body. He was shouting at the man to calm down, to stop fighting, and the dog still had him pinned by one leg. Every time the man moved even a toe, the dog gripped a little harder, a deep low grumbling growl emitting from his throat, which could be heard from their position. Martine looked at the two men and back to Hannah. Ava was now silent, her little body shuddering with the aftershock of her sobbing. Hannah held her close. She had the shivers herself.

  ‘I’m okay, we’re okay, thank you.’ She took a few wipes from the packet and offered them back to the woman.

  ‘Oh no, you keep them. We have loads.’ Martine gave her a little smile, and then pointed back to her companions. ‘Listen, I’d better go help my mate wrangle the kids, but we run the parent–toddler group at the community centre, if you fancy it. Tuesdays and Thursdays, ten till twelve. Come see us if you are at a loose end.’ She dropped a business card onto the bench. Hannah nodded dumbly, tucking the card away into her bag. She’d barely taken Martine in. Cradling a now quiet Ava close, she watched a police car pull up and the police scramble to get out. Two officers, both huge dark-haired men, were running towards the two men on the ground. As they got closer, Hannah’s fear grew. She needed to get out of here, now. Too many people, too many questions. Too much exposure.

  Martine was looking at her intently, her gaze flicking from her party, to the melee of arms, legs and paws, and the approaching officers. ‘You sure you’re okay? You have far to walk to get home?’

  Hannah took her eyes off the officers just long enough to try to convince the concerned woman that she wasn’t having a mild heart attack and didn’t need any assistance.

  ‘No, I’m fine, honestly. I’m just over there.’ She pointed in the opposite direction to her house, and the woman nodded in reply. She was biting her lip, looking back at her own kids who were just starting to grumble and moan. ‘Honestly, I’m fine. I’ll see you at the group thing, okay?’

  That seemed to placate her, and it was all Hannah could do not to grab her baby and run as she watched the woman wrestle with the situation. Finally, she smiled at Hannah, and turned to leave.

  ‘Okay, listen, I’d better get back to the rabble. You’ll be there though, at the group?’

  Hannah tried to form her panicked body into a halfway relaxed pose, willing the fear cascading through her body to subside, so she could stop everyone looking at her, and get home.

  ‘Yeah, we’ll be there. And thank you, again. Please, thank your friend for me too.’ She gave her a winning smile, before looking down at Ava and busying herself with settling her on her lap. She daren’t look at the policemen.

  Clutching Ava to her chest, Hannah felt their two hearts beating together, so fast. As fast as a stampede of horses. She shushed the tot, grateful that her terrified screams and wails had subsided to an occasional exhausted shudder. She’d need lunch soon, and now there was no chance of Hannah getting to the shops. The job hunt was dead in the water too. Another day with no money coming in, not to mention the fact that she’d nearly lost her bag and everything in it.
She thought of Ava, sitting in that pram while the man wrestled with the handles, and felt her throat constrict in a way so familiar to her. She gasped to catch her breath when a pair of green-flecked blue eyes filled her vision. Kind eyes. She didn’t know why that particular thought had crossed her mind, but that was what had been her first instinct.

  ‘Hello? Can you hear me?’

  She frowned at the eyes, nodding her head slowly. ‘Yes, I can hear you. Sorry.’

  He held out a hand towards her, palm down, but he didn’t take a step closer.

  Chapter 2

  She’s scared. Softly does it. Brody, now hands free from the mugger, tipped his hand slightly in Bullet’s direction. Bullet sank to his belly beside him, not taking his eyes off the woman and her child. The gathered crowd were leaving the park now, the occasional backward glance in their direction. People always surprised Brody, both in good and bad ways. His colleagues had bundled the offender into the van and taken him back to the station. Brody had elected to stay behind, to check on the woman, take some details. His colleagues on the force had been keen to check up on them both, but something about the woman had made something in him hold them back, to give her a minute. Looking across at Bullet, who was still staring at the pair intently, told his partner everything he needed to know. Everything that he was feeling himself. Instinct.